I have been trying to lose weight for the longest time. I’m very very lazy. I love to eat. My hobbies can be listed under the “no sweat needed” things that you can do. I’m always hungry, and when I eat continuously, I tend to have a bloated stomach or I tend to resort to a faster alternative. Laxatives. I have been taking laxatives for the longest time. Like, 3 years. It started when I gained a lot when I was in second year and my classmates told me that I gained weight and I took them negatively. I had nervous breakdowns and so I discovered laxatives. They served as a temporary refuge from the heavy feeling that I get all around.
Of course, I expected weight loss. I didn’t. I gained more instead and then constipation just got worse. It was during these times that I decided to google the “negative side effects” of laxatives. I broke down the minute I finished the first article I clicked on. I resorted on these things that my intestines just depended on them. The catch is, your digestive system will stop working and that they can depend upon laxatives for the rest of the time. I was like “That’s why I never got better”.
Over those years I denied having eating disorders. I love to eat after all. I closed all the possibilities and the consequences I can get for being such a dolt. All my life I was like “I don’t care what people think of me” when I can’t even accept myself. I was too busy caring about what people think when I have all these amazing people around me who loves me whatsoever.
Realization hit me and I know it’s just one step ahead and I pray to God for guidance and another chance for… well basically everything. I cannot undo them but I can still make them right not for me. So that’s it.
Drama’s over.
Curiouser 